I got an authorization letter from the insurance company today for an inpatient stay between 7/9 and 7/12. It really confused me for a minute. I kept thinking: but I haven’t been in the hospital, have I? What are they talking about? Then it finally dawned on me as I examined those dates: July 9… my OB’s office scheduled the c-section and got authorization for it already before they bothered to call me! (We talked about dates last time but hadn’t finalized it because they still needed to confirm with the hospital on OR and anesthesiologist availability.)
So… My next appointment is Wednesday and I’ll double check then with the OB; but I guess we have a birth date, unless something goes wrong between now and then. I’m nervous and anxious and scared and excited and elated and, well, can’t wait to meet this baby boy.
It feels so very odd and, yes, wrong to have a specific date to count down toward. I know women spend an awful lot of time complaining about the uncertainty and bemoaning the wait; but I actually rather liked that part of it. The not knowing. Still, it is what it is. I am working very hard right now on acceptance. This is how it will be, how it is. This baby will be born and at least this time it won’t be a c-section after hours of labor. I won’t be so tired and hopefully that will help make recovery quicker.
Now for almost the first time this pregnancy I find myself wondering: what does he look like? Will he be like his sisters? Will he look very different? I try to picture a face and well, it’s a mystery.