Getting geared up for Sophia’s baptism on Sunday—I just love that we got to schedule it for Pentecost. We’re going to have a little brunch here afterwards with all the family. A nice Mother’s day get-together. We’ll also have a little birthday cake for Isabella, who turns 2 a week from Sunday.
I am so very excited that my sister will be flying up tomorrow. She’s my best friend and has agreed to be Sophia’s godmother. The godfather will be our nephew Peter, which is a little funny because Dom is Peter’s godfather. Pete’s a great kid, very serious about his faith and surprisingly mature for his age.
It looks like Sunday will be a nice day. I’ve got a lot of cooking and baking to do between now and then. What fun!
Melanie,
Your comments reminded me of something said in A Mother’s Rule of Life (http://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Rule-Life-Bring-Order/dp/1928832415/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210294646&sr=8-1), a book I enjoyed and would recommend.
The author realizes how she could be nicer and more polite to complete strangers than her own children. It struck me that, at a store or Church or out and about, we often excuse the faults of others when they bump into us or make a mistake and yet it can be easy to snap at our own children. I had not thought of comparing the two before.
I strive to treat each of my children as though they are the child Jesus Himself. I also find that Cecilia behaves better and cooperates with me more if I explain to her why I give her the answers I do instead of just saying “yes,” or more often, “no.” Of course I am learning as I go, but it has been a valuable lesson seeing how she responds to a simple authoritative response verses a rational explanation.
When my children bicker I give them a warning and if they continue I tell them they are not allowed to talk. At All. If they forget I remind them. If they start to talk I say, uh! uh! wait a minute! in a laughing and funny way. That usually distracts everyone from what they were bickering about. And once they are nice they can talk again.
MommytoCecilia ,
I’ve got A Mother’s Rule of Life, read half of it and liked it; but felt like it wasn’t really speaking to me at my current stage in life. Not that what she says isn’t applicable for mothers at any stage; but her examples seemed to involve having a family with older kids. At the time I was reading it, I’d have had to think hard to see how to make it work with my life. Up until about the time of her first birthday, Isabella really defied being on any kind of schedule and I was still working on the idea of having any kind of regularity to my day. It may be time to revisit the book now that we are all into a much more orderly rhythm of life.
Mary,
I like that idea. I’ll keep it in mind for when we get to that stage.
My mother used to go crazy when people talked about “the terrible twos”. She called it the age of wonder and the way you talk about Isabella reminds me of that. It’s very nice.
I strongly believe that enjoying your children helps them to behave in public. … Along with keeping them and yourself fed and not too tired…. ; )
“the age of wonder” I like that.
I think she’s onto something. They’re mostly “terrible” because the child is testing the boundaries of “I want” and “I need” and has not learned self-control and especially doesn’t understand “wait”. I think understanding her limitations and modifying my expectations of what she is capable of helps me be patient.
also “terrible” when the child is trying to express something and either doesn’t know how or the adult can’t understand and the child gets frustrated. Been there too.
I used to be very judgmental until I had two little boys of my own. Now I’m the one who snaps and raises my voice. By the time I reach the check out, eggs are broken, bread is squished, packages are opened, produce is eaten. No matter how prepared I am with snacks/distractions, there is no end to the constant disobedience.
Certainly, this is a time of growth for me as a mom, and that’s good. But, all the same, grocery shopping is one big mortification each week, and it is so tough. Please be kind to us moms who have spunkier-than-normal kids. We need your prayers!
thank you for the link to sally clarkson’s site! i’ve enjoyed her writings but did not know she had a blog. the post you linked is such an encouragement.
Dee,
Thank you so much for sharing that. In my battle to not judge other moms it helps me so much to hear stories from the moms who struggle to maintain control, whose kids are as you say spunkier than normal. Seeing the issue from the mother’s perspective helps enormously. As does remembering my own no-so-stellar days. God bless you and your boys.
Kate,
Thank Elizabeth Foss. I just found the blog entry and Sally’s site from her link. It really spoke to me and I’m glad to pass it on.
I think there’s another component too – each child has a different character. And you may find that character to be very different from your own.
For instance – my sons are very competitive and athletic – something I’m not (lots of eye surgery as a child). I had to overcome my aversions to sports. It’s good for my health too!
I’ve second your advice on the grocery store, as well. I try to take one child at a time – so that they get my full attention. Once they get it down, I’ll take them with the other children.
I have learned to pray to the Holy Spirit for my children. A simple “please calm my children and give me patience” works.
Dee, I realize that some things are not possible but is there any way you could avoid taking them? Even for a little while? I wish I lived next door to you.
I really don’t like taking more than one young child to the grocery store, unless the younger one is still in a Baby Bjorn type thing. While my daughter was basically a reasonable toddler, I find the best way to deal with all of my boys is to bark orders at them, army style, particularly when there are two or more of them around.
These days, I’m fortunate to get my groceries delivered. In my area, Acme (an Albertson’s company) and Genuardi’s (ShopRite co.) deliver for about $10. I can’t use coupons, but I can always buy the snack food and cereals that are on sale. At this point in my life, $10 is a small price to pay for my sanity.
Oops, meant to add one thing that has always driven me crazy was to see a mom shaking her finger in her kids’ faces, but I’ll admit there are days I’ve been pretty close.
I cringe to see mother’s speak so harshly to their kids too. But I’ll admit, more and more I see myself in them. We have a very difficult 8yo, my nephew, that lives with us, and I have a really hard time being as patient as I used to be. He is *extremely* challenging to handle in the store, in mass, wherever, each and every time. Not that this is an excuse for being harsh, but, well, certain children make it a lot harder than others,,,lol. And when you get a couple of them fighting…yeah, that adds a whole new level of drama to the day sometimes….