Going Solo

Going Solo

So, people have been asking me, how’s it working out, staying home by myself with Bella all day while Dom goes to an office?

It’s definitely a hard transition. I didn’t notice so much at first. We’d had days where Dom was gone most of the day before. But after a couple of weeks, I notice a definite shift.

I have a hard time getting motivated to do stuff, getting out of the house especially. That’s really nothing new, but I think having Dom here sometimes made me feel more accountable. Time slips away faster when it’s just Bella and me.

But it’s kind of hard to compare because I also am just hitting the first trimester sleepies. I want to nap all the time, my energy level is lower. How much of that is part of my demotivation? Last night, for example, I got 8 hours of sleep. Bella actually let us sleep in till 7! But when we came home from mass and brunch, I put her down for a nap and fell asleep myself for another 2 hours.

Running out to the store is harder. No more dashing out and leaving Bella with Dom. Now every time I leave I have to pack the diaper bag, coax Bella into hat and shoes, carry her out to the car, strap her in, all the rest. It doesn’t actually take that much longer; but it feels so much more burdensome.

We’re still not fully unpacked and I feel the mess as an added burden but also don’t have the energy to actually check off any of those items on my to do list. I just sit down on the couch and can’t get up until Bella starts whining to be fed or to nap or I realize how late it’s getting and I really do have to get to the store/post office/bank today.

I especially worry about morning sickness and how I’ll cope with cooking and housekeeping and caring for Bella if it gets as bad as it did when I was pregnant with her. I’m already starting to feel food aversions, queasiness, and the rest.

But most of all, I miss having Dom around to chat with during the day. To point out Bella’s cute new tricks, to share an idea from a book or a blog. I try to remember them all; but some inevitably get lost between the time they occurred and the time he gets home. I miss all the hours, sometimes literally 24 in a day, that I spent with him, working side by side at our respective duties. I miss being able to have breakfast and lunch with him, I miss his ideas and insights and the special view of his daily work. It feels strange that there are all these people he spends so much time with every day that I haven’t even met. I know this is how most married couples live, but it hasn’t been my experience of marriage and it’s an adjustment.


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