Sad

Yesterday afternoon (doesn’t really feel like yesterday, but since the sun is now up, I guess it must be) I was in the grocery store with Bella. A woman waiting at the deli counter with a one-year-old in her cart turned and oohed (as everyone seems to do) and congratulated me. Then as she walked away I heard her murmer—to herself or to her child, I couldn’t tell—something about one being enough for her; she was done. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself. There was such suppressed longing.

I look at my beautiful Bella and am so filled with joy. I can’t wait to have more babies, more joy. I couldn’t imagine deliberately depriving her of little brothers and sisters. And yet I hear that all the time. too frequently. Women who are convincing themselves they don’t really want more kids. And yet they have to work so hard at it. Keep repeating it until it sounds as if they mean it.

2 Responses to Sad

  1. Jennifer G. Miller June 24, 2006 at 8:12 am #

    I experienced that insomnia, also. After certain amount of being up, then I couldn’t fall back asleep, and then so many thoughts raced in my head. So frustrating! Some of it could be the hormones, pregnancy hormones leaving, nursing hormones raging. wink But that’s just a theory.

  2. Melanie Bettinelli June 24, 2006 at 3:56 am #

    I’m glad to hear my experience is not unique at least. Hormones. I hadn’t thought of that. It would make sense.

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