Pregnancy meditation

Pregnancy meditation

In a way birth is as much a mystery as death. What life is like before birth is as unknowable as life after death, even though it is in the past we don’t remember life in the womb. Maybe this accounts for the popular conception that souls reside in heaven before they come to earth.

What does she know, this little unknown one who I feel moving mysteriously within but cannot see or touch or hear or smell? What is she aware of?

Sometimes I fancy that she hears the angels sing and that she sings with them. The music of the spheres, the perpetual hosannas that all creation sings if only we could hear them. I fancy she sees the stars dance and moves with them. Her leaps and kicks are her joyful celebrations of life and motion. When she sleeps she is rocked by a celestial lullaby.

After all, this morning I prayed the Canticle from Daniel:

Bless the Lord, all you works of the Lord.
Praise and exult him above all forever.
Angels of the Lord, bless the Lord.
You heavens bless the Lord.
All you waters above the heavens, bless the Lord.
All you hosts of the Lord, bless the Lord.
Sun and moon, bless the Lord.
Stars of heaven, bless the Lord….

Let the earth bless the Lord.
Praise and exult him above all forever.
Mountains and hills, bless the Lord.
Everything growing from the earth, bless the Lord.
You springs, bless the Lord.
Seas and rivers, bless the Lord.
You dolphins and all water creatures, bless the Lord.
All you birds of the air, bless the Lord.
All you beasts, wild and tame, bless the Lord.
You sons of men, bless the Lord….

Little babes in the womb, bless the Lord.
Praise and exult him above all forever.

She is a mystery to me—the brief glimpses in the ultrasound, the fleeting wush of her heartbeat, the little flutters and taps—and occasional jabs—whet my appetite for more. I long to see her face, to touch those tiny hands and feet I fell moving within me—to feel her fingers curl around mine. I long to gaze into her eyes and hold her close and smell her skin and feel her breath, to hear her voice. To kiss and kiss and kiss her.

She draws me deeper and deeper into mystery. Loving her, the unknown, barely grasped presence, helps me approach the other unknown, unseen presence that I so often struggle to encounter.

And I know that even though she is a mystery to me—if she is indeed even a she—yet to Him she is known. She is loved. Not only as she is now but as she was from the most secret moment of her conception when He breathed her life into being and also as she will be. He knows every hair that will ever grow on her head, every idea that will ever cross her mind. He knows her laugh and her tears and her every move. All she will be is written and known and loved with a love that is—O marvelous!—far greater than my love for her will ever be! He knows already her first word, her first step, and all those moments that I will store and treasure and He will dole them out one by one from His treasure house.

Goodnight, little one—may the angels guard you and sing you sweetly to sleep.

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1 comment
  • from a reader, submitted by email:

    You�ve got a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG time to work it out.  The curriculum choices won�t really matter too much until around 2nd or 3rd grade.

    We have used a variety of curricula:

    Mother of Divine Grace � Excellent, but created a lot of work for my wife

    Kolbe Academy � really tough, but it is VERY flexible and it is working out well for us.

    And also a secular program through the public schools (we did that so the kids could be involved in sports and music, but it wasn�t worth it, so we quit after one semester)

    We didn�t go with Seton, because if you read the content of the courses, they are not that demanding.  That could be good, but our kids read more in two months than Seton requires in one year.  That being said, one of our sons plays violin four hours a day, so we needed flexibility.  So far, Kolbe has worked out the best.  We have friends that love Seton, especially for the lil� ones.

    Just remember, you CAN�T be a perfect parent.  Don�t agonize over these decisions.  They are not irreversible.  In fact, I guarantee you will change gears multiple times during one year.  So, RELAX.  Keep the bar high, love them, and pray for them.  You�ll do fine!

    My one observation:  Reading is the single most powerful source of education for kids.  I often find the curriculum actually gets in the way of education by focusing on fact regurgitation at the expense of learning and �deepening�.  Over the summer, we created a �book per week� idea.  Our kids read at least 12 books over the summer.  And they are in high school, so they were reading stuff like Don Quixote, Last of the Mohicans, etc.  It was incredible to overhear our kids discussing the books they were reading.  If you read a bio of C.S. Lewis, his education was almost entirely reading based.

    You will be surprised and happy to find others in your area that are connected to all kinds of resources.  I often think about the trail blazers that had NO support, no computers, internet, etc.  You are starting at a GREAT time!

    God Bless!


    P.S. Check out the book, �The Thomas Jefferson Education� by Oliver Van DeMille