I should have seen it coming last night when Lucia fell asleep right after dinner and slept through bedtime and kept on sleeping. She usually takes a brief snooze before dinner and then falls asleep between 10 and 11. So she did finally wake when I was in the shower. Woke and screamed and Dom held her while I got dressed and finished my routine. Then she fell asleep but fitfully. After that I couldn’t get her to go back to sleep in her bed. And sometime during the night I woke to find her burning up.
She’s sleeping now on my chest. nursing and sleeping and nursing again. But not deeply. Her little mouth moves in a sucking motion as she sleeps, usually one of my favorite things but today I wish she could sink into that deeper sleep. Her breathing is heavy. She whimpers from time to time.
I’m staying home to hold her while Dom takes the others to the farmer’s market. At times like this motherhood is reduced to it’s essential: being a safe warm place of comfort.
This makes me think of the image from Isaiah, one of my favorites:
As nurslings, you shall be carried in her arms,
and fondled in her lap;
As a mother comforts her son, so will I comfort you;
in Jerusalem you shall find your comfort.
Just as Lucy can lay her head down and find peace on my shoulder, so I can seek peace in God’s presence. That same deep comfort of knowing you are loved and held. There truly is nothing better.