I just love the monologues Sophie delivers when she’s “reading” her prayers.
Here’s my attempt to transcribe parts of one this morning. I sort of get a phrase, drop a phrase as she mumbles, and then catch the next phrase, so this isn’t a coherent stream so much as fragments pieced together with gaps in between; but you can kind of get the general flavor:
I had no money to Bless the Lord. Jesus said, you’ll have to deal….
So Jesus prayed, bow down….
Jesus said I would worship said Jesus….
Jesus wrote a song….
Jesus picked some flowers…. and the flowers were blooming….
They sang beautiful songs to Jesus and shouted Jesus! Jesus!
Mary and Baby Jesus…
and they played for the Blessed Mother of God…
The child Almighty was sent from air to earth
the white wings was sent to Mary
so the evil was cried out to Jesus
so the moon and day…
Mary was not killed… was not died anymore
a sign sent to Jesus… a sign sent to Mary said Mary Jesus Lord
the cross was sent to poopy stinky nasty
(((HUGS))) It will get better. It will get easier. And you are not a failure. A failure is someone who doesn’t try and from what I read, that doesn’t seem to be your nature. You are a great mom to ALL your beautiful children.
From my experience having more than one loving adult around much of the time does tend to make a little one feel their special adults should both / all be there all of the time. We had this with my eldest, when both myself and my dh were home based for most of her first year. She took either of us going out as a personal insult, even if she was being cuddled by the other. She always called for Dad if she woke during the night. Her little sister does the same – he sleeps more lightly and has faster reactions.
What I am trying to get at is, please don’t feel a failure – little ones do fine with a mix of loving adults, it doesn’t have to always be their mother; when they do have more than one adult who cares for them regularly, they will often want the one they haven’t got at the time (especially when distressed!); and compromise is a normal part of life, whether you are a child or an adult, and not a bad thing. Oh, and they still love their mother. My eldest is a very secure and affectionate teen.
Oh thank you both. I do know I’m not a failure. And Dom is so very reassuring. But it does help sometimes to write about those pesky little voices and doubts so they don’t just echo about in my head.
I know I am late to this post, but truly, you aren’t even close to being a failure when everyone’s needs are being met in a loving way. Your need are being met too, by not having to choose which son to hold. So much less frustration than would be there without your sister. Be grateful, not guilty!!
Dear Renee, I’ve recently discovered that I’m not very good at gratitude. I’m working on it. In my saner moments I am incredibly grateful to have an extra set of hands. How wonderful it is for Ben to have a loving shoulder to snuggle on when my arms are busy with a nursing baby and Dom is chasing two screeching girls!