I’ve been feeling glum again. About the state of the house again. I can resign myself to dirt and chaos for a limited time; but it still gets to me. A continual background whine that can only be tuned out for so long before I start to claw at my ears.
The house needs major cleaning. For example, I don’t think anything has been dusted since we moved in November. Certainly the bookshelves in the office have not. Ick. I get the creeps every time I go in there.
I can just barely stay on top of the most basic maintenance: laundry, cooking, dishes, keeping a semblance of clean in the kitchen and dining areas, vacuuming the carpets, keeping the toy chaos from overwhelming everything. Anything more has mostly been beyond my grasp with the rollercoaster of pregnancy and birth i’ve been on since right after we moved.
Still, I’m trying to take little baby steps. Today after I vacuumed the laundry room and the office and started some laundry, I cleaned the front windows in the living room, dusted the windowsill and everything on it. Now I have a nice view if I just look straight ahead from my chair. It’s not much. Perhaps one percent of what needs to be done. But it’s a token and has done much for my morale.
If I ignore the dust on the television cart and the handprints on the walls and the stains on the carpet by the door, I can almost be content with at least this room. If I ignore the messes I know lurk elsewhere.
Of course to get this much done I had to let the girls manage on their own for a while. I felt like I was neglecting them. Even at that I kept starting and stopping to change diapers, get snacks, feed Ben, etc. We didn’t run any errands this morning or do any fun activities or baking. All of which means I can really only manage this focused cleaning of a trouble spot one or maybe two days a week. At this rate can I ever get the housekeeping under control? The little negative voice whispers, threatening my satisfaction.
All I can do is do my best. Focus on one little problem area at a time and be very glad that the only one who’s really bothered by it is me.