Sueing Sam I Am

Dom sent this to me: Sentencing Review: Deposition of the Captain. Not exactly kid-friendly; but too, too funny.

Your honor, I am not a bitter man. I mind my business and wish no one ill. I just pilot my small yellow boat and try to do Christian work at land and sea.

But, God help me, I hope this �Sam��thing�pays dearly for his carelessness.

The pyrrhic victory of cajoling one heavily closeted, Clifton-Webb-like cryptozoological beast into sampling his discolored breakfast came at a dear cost to me and to all those whose lives were ruined that morning.

I, of course, lost my little boat. The train�s engineer is now an opium addict and compulsive onanist. The female train passenger known as �Jane Flowerhat #1� has lost her child to the authorities and is, I am told, incarcerated indefinitely for nymphomania and suspected petit mermism. Your honor, the fox took his own life. With a box cutter. Right in his own box.

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