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Too Fast, too Furious

Too Fast, too Furious

I was far too ambitious today and things fell apart at the end. I still need to learn to set reasonable goals and to pace myself. I seem to fluctuate between the extremes of vaulting ambition and nothing-doing sloth.

The morning started off slowly, one of those days where I refused to let go of the pillow. Holding on for dear life while the screams of a needy baby pulled me out of sleep: “Mama, mama, mama!” But I got some dishes done while breakfast came together, vacuumed the living room (it only takes ten minutes but I put it off and put it off partly becasue Bella freaks out so and partly because it always seems a bigger task than it is), put in a load of laundry, let Bella listen to one of the cds we got from the library while I packaged up some quilt squares and then got all our gear together for a walk to the post office. For us getting to the post office is a major accomplishment in itself. We even took the scenic route home, exploring a part of the neighborhood I hadn’t seen before. Who knew there was an elementary school just beyond the post office?

When we got home Sophie was sound asleep in the stroller. Bella wanted to stay outside so I let her in at the back gate while I unpacked the stroller. Before I got to the sleeping baby, I heard Bella let herself in the back door and then begin to yell: “I’m soaked!” Sure enough, she was standing in a puddle in the dining room, crying her eyes out. It was one of those mother dilemmas I hate the most: stuck between the two children and unable to be two places at once and feeling like a complete failure. I couldn’t leave Sophie out front by herself but knew if I picked her up she’d almost certainly wake up and wake up cranky at that. I probably should have pushed the stroller into the back yard and let her sleep there. Instead, I told Bella to hold on, yelled for my sleeping sister, and went to fetch Sophia, hoping to get her to the crib without waking her.

Sophie woke and, as predicted, was very fussy, Bella continued to scream and I found an old towel and put it down for her to stand on while I tried to pull off her sodden wet clothes while juggling the screaming Sophia. Fortunately my sister appeared and was able to help undress poor Bella while I tried to settle Sophie.

Eventually we got both girls fed lunch and then I foolishly decided to forge ahead with my plan to make a baptism day cake for Sophie. Bella helped me prep the cake mix then I ran to put the very fussy and sleepy Sophie down for her nap while Bella finished eating her lunch. But she wouldn’t lie down and go to sleep and screamed for me. Probably upset because I’d broken with routine to put her down first instead of Bella.

So I got her back up and went to read Bella a story letting Sophie play in the crib while I did so. Interrupted of course by the timer for the cake, which was still a bit goopy in the middle. A bit more story, pull the cake from the oven. Tuck Bella in and close the door. Take Sophie back to my room for take two. She still doesnt’ want to sleep but I put her in the portacrib and shut the door and let her play and fuss and chatter until she does fall asleep.

Finally sit down and put my feet up and check my email and do a bit of reading and say midday prayers. I get a bit chilled so go to look for my jacket and realize I must have dropped it on the walk. My favorite jacket, the one I bought just recently, gray hoodie with pockets and zipper, the perfect round the house and run to the store everyday sort of jacket. And now my sister’s gone to work and Dom’s going to donate blood after work. I’m positive it fell off the stroller as we were crossing the main street and will be lost for good. Yes, I cried. Emotional pregnant woman out of control.

I should have started dinner, taken the butter out for the frosting, something. But I sat back down and surfed around some blogs and tried to forget about the jacket. Eventually I did get up to start dinner and then when I’d just started to cut onions, Bella woke up screaming. Soaked through again, poor thing!  And of course her screaming woke up Sophie. There goes any chance of quickly getting dinner started. Change Bella’s clothes and strip her bed. Put everything in the wash. Try to appease Sophie but she’s cranky and won’t be soothed. Finally I get her to go outside in the swing but we spend the next couple of hours with only brief periods of calm punctuated by storms storms and more storms until bedtime.

Dom came home with my jacket. He drove around the neighborhood and found it where I’d dropped it on the sidewalk. My hero! Dinner gets done finally but not without tears from everyone but Dom. However, Sophie’s present isn’t wrapped, the cake isn’t iced. It is now bedtime and Sophie is in full meltdown. I decide to postpone her baptism day festivities until tomorrow, much to Isabella’s disappointment.

So now I’m debating finishing the frosting or leaving it for tomorrow and just covering the cake. I think I’ll go for the latter. My sciatica is raging and I think it’s time for bed. I wish I could learn how to find the happy medium. To be productive without pushing myself to the limit, to relax without sinking into sloth.

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