Not sure what is putting Sophia out of sorts today. Three times I’ve tried to put her down for a nap to no avail. Tired though she is, she just cries and cries. I wonder if she’s teething again. But I’m sure tired and wish I could take a nap.

It seems like all I do anymore is complain. I wish I could bear this exhaustion and queasiness with patience and good grace. But it’s inconvenient and I just want to get back to life at a regular pace. I want to be able to cook and clean and get ready for Christmas and enjoy time with my girls. And instead I spend the day obsessing about food and sleeping because those are the two factors I can kind of control that seem to mitigate the sick feeling. At least I haven’t thrown up yet, so I’m doing better so far than I did with Bella or Sophie.

So I’m sorry to all my loyal readers. I hope my bellyaching doesn’t drive you all off. But this blog is first and foremost my vehicle for dealing with all of life’s ups and downs. I’m not here to win a popularity contest, to win friends and influence people. I’m just trying to get through the days as best I can and I need to vent off steam in order to not get too pressurized. I’ll hopefully get back to sweetness and profound thoughts in another month or so when I hit that happy second trimester.

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  • Because Mel told me to, I’m doing this in the comment box:

    1. Started your own blog. Yes. only rarely updated, however.
    2. Slept under the stars.  many times.
    3. Played in a band. Do bells for the church choir count? I hit a triangle once for a friend’s band.
    5. Watched a meteor shower.
    8. Climbed a mountain. Several.
    12. Visited Paris
    14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Sort of. A friend showed me the basics of crocheting and knitting – how to hold the yarn, but I learned most of the complex stuff on my own.
    16. Had food poisoning. The first time, I can blame that on my sister.
    18. Grown your own vegetables. Squash.
    20. Slept on an overnight train (many, many times)
    21. Had a pillow fight. Who hasn’t?
    23. Taken a sick day when you�re not ill. Went to the park and read a book.
    24. Built a snow fort. For midgets.
    26. Gone skinny dipping. Twice. Once in Italy, once in Texas.
    27. Run a Marathon
    X28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. No. Do you have any idea how much those cost? A lot. We could afford a regular boat, but not a gondola.
    29. Seen a total eclipse.
    30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. In many places, in many colors.
    31. Hit a home run
    37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
    39. Gone rock climbing
    40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
    41. Sung karaoke
    42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
    43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
    45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
    47. Had your portrait painted. By my brother.
    49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
    50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
    52. Kissed in the rain.
    53. Played in the mud
    54. Gone to a drive-in theater
    58. Taken a martial arts class
    60. Served at a soup kitchen
    62. Gone whale watching
    63. Got flowers for no reason
    64. Donated blood
    66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp. In the winter.
    67. Bounced a check.
    X68. Flown in a helicopter. I have not, but I have sat inside a couple military helicopters. Blackhawk and Apache.
    69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. Several, the most important of which is my stuffed unicorn, Star.
    70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
    71. Eaten Caviar. At a party that a friend’s mother invited me to. When no one was looking, I looked on the bottom of the very large container to see how much it was, and felt slightly ill at the price tag. Very low class of me, I’m sure. But it sure tasted good!
    73. Stood in Times Square
    75. Been fired from a job
    77. Broken a bone
    79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
    81. Visited the Vatican
    82. Bought a brand new car – well ok, not new, but it was only a year old when I bought it. 🙁
    84. Had your picture in the newspaper
    86. Visited the White House (well, seen it from the outside, didn’t stand in line for the tour)
    87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – I insist that crawfish and crabs count. So there.
    88. Had chickenpox
    89. Saved someone�s life – I’ll get back to that.
    91. Met someone famous. A couple. In addition to which I almost ran over John Travolta when he walked in front of my car on a busy street. That’s what you get for not looking both ways.
    92. Joined a book club
    93. Lost a loved one
    95. Seen the Alamo in person
    98. Owned a cell phone
    100. Read an entire book in one day. More times than I can count. Including the 22 hour marathon with the last Harry Potter book.

    So back to #89:

    The first time I didn’t know about until almost ten years later. I tattled on a suicidal friend of mine, and she got the help she needed, and thanked me for it years later. I have only a vague memory of it, and had no idea that it was actually that serious.

    The second time, a friend of my roommate, a guy I didn’t really like, though I didn’t actively dislike him either. He was walking by through the parking lot of our apartment complex, and I thought, hey, you know, he’s a decent guy, I should offer him a beer. He declined, I insisted, he declined again, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I didn’t have a reason, just an irrational stubbornness to not let it go. So he came up and we hung out, my roomate came home and was excited to see him and he ended up staying late with us, talking as college students do.

    He told me two years later that he was on his way home to shoot himself, when I waylaid him, and it was that kindness which changed his mind. That and my roommate, his friend – between us he was reassured that there were people who cared about him.

    When he told me this, I felt sick to my stomach. Because despite what he says, I didn’t save his life, God did. The Holy Spirit setting in me an attitude of stubborn insistence.
    But I felt sick because what if I had said no? For me, that was just an ordinary day. What if I had had a bad day, and been feeling selfish, or just hermit-like and thought “there he goes, but I’m not going to do anything about it. I don’t want to deal with people today.”

    I learned then that you frequently don’t know the truth of what is in front of you. When the smallest thing may make a difference, or when your own indifference might not be of such minor consequence as you think. A chilling and humbling thought, and another reason to glorify God.

  • Ummm, wow, cause that last was me, Theresa, not Melanie. I didn’t realize I was logged in under the wrong name.