O that I had wings like a dove
to fly away and be at rest.
So I would escape far away
and take refuge in the desert.
I would hasten to find shelter
from the raging wind,
from the destructive storm, O Lord…
The major downside to spurts of energy like that I had on Wednesday is the crash that happens afterward. Not yesterday, today. I’ve been cranky and impatient all day. Poor Bella has been whiny. More whiny than usual or am I just more sensitive to it? I can’t tell.
Desperate, I took her for a walk despite the cold rainy weather. The walk did calm me down. It’s been a late fall and there is still so much color in the trees. Quite bright for November, even with the rain and chill. And Bella fell sound asleep in the stroller… only to wake up when I was taking off her coat and laying her in the crib. Despite a full 30 minutes of cuddling and rocking, she wouldn’t fall back asleep. Maybe we both needed the quiet, together time. But by the time I realized she wasn’t going to sleep, I was feeling frantic again.
I called up Dom in tears, frazzled and freaking out. After a few suggested solutions, he finally realized I didn’t want him to fix things, just be a shoulder, listen and sympathize. He did that for a while, he’s good and that, and then I put him on loudspeaker so Bella could hear his voice.
I think part of my emotionalism is, as he tactfully pointed out, hormonal. I’m pregnant, I’m allowed to get that way once in a while, he soothed. Also, though, is the fact that he’s had major deadlines this week and had to work late every night. And last night on top of that he had to rush off right after we ate to a parish council meeting. Which left me putting Bella to bed on my own. So I think tonight’s program is going to be cuddling with my husband once the baby is in bed.
Anyway, after I got off the phone, I gave her some lunch and ate my own lunch and then she seemed to get really cranky and fussy, like she does when she’s overtired. So we retreated back to the glider for books, books, books and more singing and cuddling. Finally after about half an hour of that her eyes closed and I was able to put her down.
I treated myself to a nice big mug of hot cocoa and a huge handful of chocolate covered cherries. Chocolate: hormonal mamma’s best friend!
The sun is finally out and the house is calm and quiet. Maybe things aren’t quite so bad after all. (Though now I do have to get more milk when Isabella wakes up from her nap. And more toothpaste too.)
Entrust your cares to the Lord
and he will support you.