It’s been a pretty quiet week on the blog. I can’t believe it’s Friday already and I haven’t posted anything since Sunday. I had so many entries planned that never got written. Here’s a run down of what’s been going on.
Monday I spent the day in the kitchen, a room I’ve only had nodding acquaintance with in the past couple of months. I put a crockpot pot roast on in the morning, which involved chopping vegetables and browning the meat so by the time it was started it felt like I’d made a meal. Then I made a peach cobbler in the afternoon and finally I made side dishes to go with the pot roast: cabbage and mashed potatoes. So using my crockpot didn’t seem to save me from any work, it just invited me to do more.
Tuesday I think was a recovery day after I overextended myself on Monday. I had a headache in the afternoon and wasn’t up to much. (Plus there was that new book that came in the mail…)
On Wednesday morning I looked at the date and realized that the day before was the due date for Francis, the baby I lost in February. Didn’t feel much like writing about anything else and wasn’t up to writing about that either. It’s hard to put all my mixed emotions into words. Sadness and loss and that mingled with acceptance and the sure knowledge that it is all a part of God’s plan. The new baby kicking in my womb right now will never replace the child whose heartbeat I never heard, whose image I never saw on ultrasound and who never got big enough that I felt the stirrings of life. In some ways, the knowledge of that life gone feels very abstract, intellectual as the first part of pregnancy does. And yet I am full of gratitude for the second chance, for God’s mercy and love, for the healing when I feared for a while that I would never be able to bear another child.
Then yesterday (Thursday) I had a relapse of morning sickness. Was violently ill a little while after breakfast (evidently I’ve still got to stay away from orange juice, or something) and just managed to pull myself and Bella through the day until Dom came home and took us out for burritos. Today I was busy with errands that I’d been putting off: the post office and the grocery store in the morning and a run to Target for diapers in the afternoon. Dom made leftover soup for dinner and I’m very glad the week is done.
On to the weekend.