Reason for Cautious Optimism

Reason for Cautious Optimism

My doctor called a little bit ago. Yeah, 8:30 on a Saturday night. He said the biopsy results were negative for cancer. And so, of course, he wants to run some more tests. Because there’s still a chance the biopsy missed something. So he’s going to schedule a hysteroscopy and d&c.

So a sigh a relief, but still the knot of tension. And more waiting. We’re not out of the woods yet, but there might be light at the end of the tunnel. Or it might be a will o’ the wisp. I am so glad glad he called tonight. I was thinking I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through two more days of this agony, this waiting. I am so glad I have such a conscientious doctor; I could hear the relief in his voice and the concern.

I am still praying and I ask those of you who have been praying to continue to do so. To pray that the next tests will also be negative, to pray that we continue to be comforted during this next waiting period and to pray that we will continue to embrace whatever God wills for us. 

I am grateful for the past few days’ opportunity to draw closer to Christ’s passion, to carry my cross and unite my suffering with his. This Lent has truly given me the opportunity to examine my life, to see my failings and to pick up my cross and follow Our Lord. As my dad reminded me tonight, the cross is truly the Tree of Life. But we only receive life from it if we embrace it when it appears in our path. Only if we carry it can the cross bear fruit in our lives. It is a great blessing to be able to walk even such a short way in his steps. And a great blessing as well to have so many of you, dear friends, keeping watch with me in prayer during this time of trial. I am certain that all of you who have prayed and are praying for me will receive many blessings as well. I also thank all of my readers who have shared their own sorrows with me, thank you for allowing me to walk along with you. And also those of you who have shared your joy with me, thank you for letting me share in your rejoicing.

I still do not know what God’s plan is for me and for my family. We are still taking it one day at a time. Still walking blindly, in faith, clinging onto his hand, certain that he will not lead us into harm. It is hard to close my eyes and trust. I thought I was open to God’s plan for me, but I discovered that it is one thing to be confident in times of prosperity, another to cling to him in times of adversity. I am weak and a sinner and I know that I am not strong enough to walk anywhere on my own. Only by his support can I take a single step.

And so tonight I am resolved not to worry about what tomorrow will bring. I will accept what today has brought, a small refreshment for what may still be a long road. I will continue to praise God and bless him, in times of sadness and times of joy and I invite you to do the same. And I will continue to pray for all those who are walking in dark places, for all those with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses, for all parents who have lost children, for all those suffering from infertility and for all those who are suffering alone with no one to comfort them. May God who is Love comfort all who are in darkness, may they receive the comfort that I have been so blessed to receive.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad.

Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit.

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